D&D Player Etiquette Guide
A couple of weeks back, I asked Twitter about bad player habits at the Dungeons & Dragons gaming table. I got many helpful responses, and I've compiled them into this guide on player etiquette. There are inevitably nuances and exceptions with a list like this, so please read it with that in mind. And chat with your DM if you are unclear about what is and is not acceptable at your table.
Don't Do These Things
Coach other Players
From the tweet responses, the most disliked player by far is the one who tells everyone else what to do. Many people find this behavior condescending and obnoxious. Yes, you might have thousands of hours of D&D experience and an encyclopedic knowledge of the rules, but people would much rather learn things for themselves, and you lose that when someone is constantly trying to coach you during play. If this is you, it's time to back off.
There are two exceptions worth mentioning. First, if someone asks you for advice, of course you should give it. Second, sometimes there's a way of doing this in character that is appropriate and doesn't step on anyone's toes. For example, "Mage! We could sure use a fireball here right now!" But be careful.
Act the Lone Wolf
As a player, one of your obligations is to find reasons for your character to work with the other player characters in the party. This responsibility is part of the "social contract" needed at the D&D table to make the game work. A character that continually goes off on their own with no regard for the party is a headache for the DM and creates a tedious game for the other players.
Rush Others
If the other players have sat patiently through your turn, it's only polite that you sit through theirs. If there is a genuine problem where someone is consistently taking too long on their turn, it is best to deal with it privately via the DM.
One-up the DM
Some players seem to enjoy poking holes in the game the DM is running. They continually point out plot inconsistencies and always argue with the DM's rulings. This behavior interrupts the narrative immersion and can really hurt a DM's confidence. If you are unhappy with how your DM is running the game, talk to them about it privately. But your best bet might be to find another game.
Steal the Spotlight
Some people want to be the center of attention all the time, which is wearying for everyone else at the table. Talking over the top of someone else is a no-no. So is interjecting your character into another character's "shining moment" during play.
Do These Things
Engage with the Story
Listen carefully to the story the DM is telling you. Treat it seriously and think about how your character can interact with it. As an example, if the DM lays a juicy quest in front of your party, the usual expectation is that you will take it. This behavior is all part of the "social contract" of the game.
Be Prepared for Your Turn
It's pretty tiresome for everyone else if you spend several minutes every turn looking up spell or feature descriptions. Spend some time before play reviewing what your character's abilities are. And during combat, plan what you will do ahead of time, rather than waiting until your turn to decide.
Understand Different Play Styles
Different people enjoy different aspects of the game. Someone might love combat in a dungeon, while another person enjoys strolling through the marketplace, picking up clues from the NPCs. If someone else is enjoying a part of the game that doesn't push your buttons, don't try and shut it down. Try and appreciate the gameplay, or at the very least, learn to respect that person's fun.
Disputed Cases
These behaviors are disputed cases--they are acceptable at some tables and not others.
Phones
Some people dislike phones at the table, while others believe they are an essential gaming tool. Given the strong feelings around this topic, it's good to clarify expectations with the DM ahead of time.
Walking away from the Table
Some see it as disrespectful to leave the table once a game has started. Others think it's natural for people to pop out of their seats to grab a snack or a quick cigarette or whatever. This matter is something it is worth chatting about as a group in your session 0.
Metagaming
Metagaming involves using knowledge outside of what is available "in-game" to get an advantage. Truthfully, once you gain even a basic understanding of the rules, it's hard to avoid metagaming to a degree. For example, if your character has 50 hit points, you will know that a regular goblin cannot kill you in 1 round with their sword. It's hard to pretend you don't know that.
Things get a bit hazier in other areas, though. You might know that silvered weapons can damage werewolves, but does your character know that? Do they know that white dragons are immune to cold damage? Or that duergar are resistant to poison damage?
There is a line where you are breaking character unacceptably--but that line varies from table to table. Once again, you should talk to your DM and figure out what is acceptable in your game.